after an amazing christmas time, i leave the lovely Lajoie in bed with the lurgi, crying, gutted she can’t celebrate the new year….
i head home and chill with ninjah for a while.
dickie balboa turns up, and off we go. there’s a WAG in the car!!! Miss Furry Muff, it’s against the rules, but we let Dog off cos he just got her back and he has never looked so happy.
I’m thinking about things in a weird wonky way, head not in the right place…
but fuck it i won’t bore you with the details…
After a few hours bouncing round in the car talking total bollocks we arrive at the warehouse in Shoreditch, and what a fucking venue! 1500 capacity, four fat rooms… we find the live room and catch a smiley Mr Dave Skelcey, the main man.
The tribe start to turn up, and everyone is hugging me more than usual and someone jibbers, “you’re such a people person” – think they taking the piss coz i aint hardly seen spoke to a soul since the last gig 3 weeks ago(!)
We chill back stage, behind the speakers, separated by a bit of cloth, it is fucking LOUD as fuck.. and pretty small, and uncomfortable. not ideal.
everyone gets a bit wobbly and then what the fuck’s this? It’s a line dancing band, live on stage… fucknose?!!!??! we slap our thighs and bosch more shite/….
Midnight strikes to mark the end of my favourite year ever. I grab Dickie and plant my quivery crusty lips on his unsuspecting beefy chops.
the warehouse fills up with weird and wonderful smiley people.
Some weird force seems to grip the tribe and force all their smiles upside down… summink is wayward…
coocoo what gwan
A burlesque dancer takes to the stage as our warm up act, and Johnny No-Cash is standing behind the stage watching her, he leans over to a guy and says… “What the fuck is that fat bird doing on stage?” and the guy replies, “Thats my girlfriend.”
How to Win Friends and Influence People Part 2 by Johnny No-Cash will be available on Tantrum Books in the summer.
Finally we are called to the stage….
WE play a blinder only spoiled by a few helmets on stage, and the prize peni Lionel Rich Tea who spills my entire can of cider all over my table so my laptop is fucking dripping mid-set and manages to dance in front of doghouse for the rest of the set. hmpf.
i drop the new ‘snowing’ drum n bass track i made in bed a while back and it’s lush to see the place go nuts.. fuckin loves it..
Flake gets a bit wonky and the tribe leave straight after the gig. A few weird fish throw some sweets and shrooms into our desperate brandy filled jowells, Filthy strolls off to a doorway area where hundreds of people are passing and mongs out….
i visit a few odd levels and before we know it we are all monged and the sun is up and no-one really knows what the fuck is going on. Well, I dont thats for sure
we leave thru a back door, and i lob myself in the naughty seat so i don’t have to communicate. as i’m incapable. several huors later i’m launched into a bustop full of shoppers in a busy street in Cardiff, with my trousers round my arse and a bottle of god knows what under my arm, my hunch back has sprouted again, and i drag my pathetic carcass across the gloomy afternoon city…
i launch the bottle into the nearest bin, and i’m busting for a toilet…
I make it to my front door, piss all over it, crawl upstairs and collapse in a heap.
a two day complete mental breakdown follows.