last minute? yes…. 4 days i gave myself to organise the Tantrum Birthday party. well, 3. Why don’t i just plan ahead? I don’t know… things keep getting in the way, and i can only really do things of pressing importance. Make sense? no? i know. fucknose…

Anyway the doors opened bang on time… the projector looped our Norris Nuvo birthday video huge above the stage, which was ready to go and there sat a FAT PA hired in for the night from Crocker the Tantrum resident bass-expert. The place was draped in old school rave decor from Ian The Decorator and Nettie had added a load of birthday stuff and the place looked fucking wicked.

I was due on at 7pm, so running between the door duties and trying to play i pumped Flapsandwich (LIVE) and tested the rig. Never before had Koko Gorilaz attic sounded this banging. but were people going to turn up? Fucknose. i hope so coz i don’t have a penny to pay for this set up and my landlord told me he is taking me to court if i don’t cough up my £1,100 arrears by next wednesday…

A few mates were gathered on the roof-top shish garden smoking and chatting… then people started turning up… from miles away… excellent. Shaun Llewelyn took to the decks and got the vibe nice, followed by another pumping, mixer-weilding, throbbing set from producer-extraordinaire Slamfish. The place was beginning to fill up and Nettie took over door duties thank fuck.

Cosmo played a short set and set the scene with some words about the whole Tantrum thing, he then introduced Dr Conker on stage to say a few words…

Tommy Tank spun a few fat tunes and then Sicknote took to the stage… playing a riot-inducing set which led to half the crowd trying to squeeze onto stage, off their chops, hands in the air, some almost fully naked… the place went nuts.

Audio-Hertz up next turned up the heat and brought a banging rave vibe to the dance-floor with MC N.R.G. Followed by a kicking back-to-back set from Tommy Tank and Shaun.
Happy birthday to Tantrum, Kath Allen, Sam McCallum and Shani!!!!!! xx

i stuck round for a while then we grabbed some chips and fucked off home.

after not a great night’s sleep i woke up to one hell of a mission. Today was the day we were playing with Bez from the Happy Mondays .In Crook. where the fuck is Crook. well almost SCOTLAND.

it’s ok i thought. Filth had booked a hire car the day before… he’ll be on it i thought…..
i facebooked him, and he went off line and by the time i got hold of him it was 11.26. expecting it all to be sorted he said he had done fuck all and anyway the car-hire place closed in 30 mins, and he didn’t even have the money in his bank (which he had told me he was going to do yesterday). “i was waiting for you” was his excuse.

“can’t you do fuck all without me?!?!?!? i just spent 4 fuckin days organising last night,… you booked car.. cant you get the money in and pick the FUCKER UP WITH OUT ME?!?!?” i spat.
“fuck you” he wheezed as he hung up on me.

so i tried phoning back… but he wouldnt answer. i thought well, to get the money in the bank and get up to the hire place was unlikely unless we pulled our fucking finger out like NOW!! but he would not answer.
I belled Doghouse, he said, “Filthy said he won’t be talked to like that from you, and now he has popped out to pick up his drums from Koko’s”.
I said “we got 20 minuted to sort the car or this gig is OFF and i’m fucking OUT if we fuck this one as i been looking forward to this BEZ thing for months”.
then conker belled me “im not interested in doing this gig as Dog and Filth turned up at 6am with 10 people and have kept me up ever since, so fuck the cunts”.

So i belled the car hire place, There was no car reserved. And there was no cars available. ANd filth got back to dog’s way after the hire-place was closed. He didn’t want to do the gig, and just wanted to go home to his misses for a cwtch. i couldn’t think of any other explanation. He still wouldnt answer and Dog said he was talking of getting the bus home to his misses. Fuck this i thought.. if my band aint up for it then im fucking leaving, im fucking out. i tried loads of people i know to see if any of them could help me out, most were in bed, didnt answer or simply said fuckin NO. i was fuming. time was ticking.

Then Doghouse phoned with some news, a friend of a friend he had never met was to turn up in one hour (2.30pm) to chuck us in the back of his van and get us to the gig. “who is it?” “fucknose” I got round dogs and planted a big kiss on filthys featureless bonse as he worryingly stared at his iphone (as he has done for 3 months now). we waited, wondering who and what the fuck was gunna turn up for us, and being that the gig was a 6 hour drive and our set was 6 and half hours from now, i was worried…..

a cool geezer called Stevie Gee turned up, a short dude, sharp as a razor, a party head and air sports enthusiast… he was an older geezer and totally up for it, he seemed fuckin on it….. and had a wicked Mercedes van… with sat nav.

“right, if we going to make this gig then you need to get the fuck in the van now”, he softly announced as he poked his round calm head into the living room.

OFF WE GO!!!!!!!!! Ady HD phones in to check on Johnny . Ady: “Where are you?” Johnny: “In the van” Ady: “Yes, but where?” Johnny: “In the middle”……

6 hours later we pull up in Crook AFC. to a warm welcome from promoter Vince Vega (yes) and a bunch of smiley northeners! “Shithouse!!” someone shouts, “its’ Doghouse you twat” replies her mate. “fuck me its Take That” says another large orange woman dressed in what appears to be a sequinned flannel.

we get our shit together and lob it back stage. beers and chilli are thrown at our starving mal-nourished orifices and we stroll around to check out the festival. small but fucking great with 3 nice banging dance tents and the main stage which is the marquee from Thimbleberry that we played in in 2008. nice system, 15k and lots of weird and wonderful people smiling and dancing. WELCOME TO EW FEST 2011!!!

We pop up the club house so Johnny No-Cash can check out the Champions league match between Manchester and Barcelona. “Get your fucking swedes out of the fuckin way of tele!” screams some wide boy Manc from behind us… we turn round and there is Bez. wearing shades, sucking a cocktail with a few birds draped over him..
Two guys then buy me a drink as they say i look exactly like their mate.. like, EXACTLY! they keep shaking my hand and looking at me for too long, shaking their heads, chewing and gurning away, they dont wanna let me go.. i’m like their new pet…. “you look just like our mate.. he tried chopping is own leg off last weekend with a blunt machete after too many acid” ….after pointing at me and showing me off to half the clubhouse and getting photos of themselves with me i finally escape.

We get on stage, the first gig up north in a some time. And bang… we are on form, it’s all clicking. Conker enters stage left and the place goes nuts. all people from all tents and the clubhouse, including security, soundmen, bouncers, bands, Vince are now bopping as we smash our way throught a banging set… with, for a change, just CONKER dancing on stage…

theres something much more powerful about our stage show when the stage isn’t covered in people dressed up and all fighting for attention..
The power of Johnny’s visuals with The Filth sat below smashing away on his kit. me and Johnny either side- the techno-geeks. and then Doghouse up front delivering his manic message with his eyes closed sweat dripping from his head. and then Conker next to him miming out his fucked up interpretation of the BOLT of techno / punk that blurts throughout this tent and fills the air with hedonism and chaos.

Last song, ‘Righteous’. my new favourite. and there he is, Bez. dancing on stage. shame he brought about 20 people with him as i wanted to see him and Conker either side of Doghouse going for it.. but still, the place went nuts and the stage was rammed.. I had to hold my laptop in the air as my stand was bouncing like fuck and i thought for a minute the whole entire stage was going to collapse…..

we headed back to Rave Heart’s house for a little party…. you know him? well he is probably the most insane fan we have ever attracted.. I’ve never understood one word he has said…i think he’s a geordie.. but i can’ae be sure… the guy’s fucking nuts…he needs his own story in itself, which i believe Doghouse is going write up on the brand new ‘DOG BLOG‘ due in a week or two… i’ll link you up 😉

Stevie Gee gets us back home and tucked up in bed by the next afternoon.
This was a great weekend.

Next up? Worcester Friday and Aberaeron Saturday!

"STATS": who gives a shit?




Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: