The Writings of Manky Pasty: Coal Exchange Farewell Party 15/09/2007

and so saturn has come back into play… its a weird one saturn, it’s like everythings going wrong, but if you can keep your head above water, and find enough space you can see that it’s just things readjusting to enable you to take things to the next level. ok, my laptop is dead. and ive had to cancel our first ever gig. and then my phone died. and ive got the debt collectors saying they are taking me to court, and ive got a stupidly horrific council tax bill, and ive got to somehow fill the coal ex on the 15th AND 16th september AND the q bar the week before… and come up with ideas tht will enable us to kick off QBAR thursdays in style… im knackered. drained. in need of a holiday. SO! since i have no contact with the outside world, i have been sorting through my flat as MAJA IS MOVING OUT!!! and ive got my pad back!!!!! dont mean to be rude, she is a star, a butey of a bird, but i just hate living with anyone. I NEED MY OWN SPACE, and now its coming back to me, AND RELAX! maja seems really confident and happy at mo, probly excited about starting college and getting he own pad, and all that stuff, she sed she met sum spanish bloke at the airport on the way to swizzerland in the delays at the airport. and then said she shared a hotel with a swiss couple. i hope this is true, im a bit paranoid,.. as she seems different to usual. but fuck it. no point in losing the head now is it. ive done that throughout my 20s with nikki g and i aint NEVER GOING BACK!!! so, if summink dodgy is happnin, so be it, i just move on. im probly just being a freak tho. anyways, having a cunt of a week so far, but i know my saturn bullshit is coming to an end, and things are gonna be looking up very soon. i know it. just gonna keep sorting my room out, and my paperwork and organising things as its keeping me sane in this FUCKED UP TRANSIT! glad of a weekend off from sicknote. think i needed it. x

ALKA acting like a coked up fucking idiot, pretended to sort out sicknote a gig, when in reality he was stumped for a band after captain paranoid pulled out of benny’s bikers bash and he was left without a booking…he offered it to us, but we couldnt all do it.. he then repeatedly abused me by text, what a sad cunt. saying he’d worked his bollocks off sorting this one out for us, but one kwik call to the captain revealed he was feeding me a load of horse shit. i txted back ‘peace & Love… jp.xx’ like he does to all the people on myspace, which a complete load of shit, as he is the most furious, coke munching, money grabbing fruit i’ve ever come across. anyways, no hard feelings, he;s got a habit to feed, and a kid to bring up, so fairplay to him, i wish him luck, just as long as he leaves me out of his dealings its all good. so it was pa’s bday on thursday, so i went up and met my folks and jim in the castle inn in caldi for a munch.we ordered food, and were all chatting away, i gave dad a Taxi Tee, a Calzghe DVD and a Mars Bar, he didnt look too impressed.that dvd cost me twenty fucking quid, and he didnt even raise a smile or a cheers! fuck it, then my food came first, and my bro decided to stick his fat, arse picking fingers right init and help himself to a handful of chips off my plate. i seen red. we nearly killed each other at wendys 50th, after he was fingering the peas everyone had to eat.and this was no different.Get your grubby fucking fingers out of my fucking food you cock i spitted.Fuck you you grumpy cunt he hissed back,No, jim, Fuck you you fucking fucker,chill out he said,wait for your own fucking food and stop mauling everyfucker elses then, you spoilt prick. oarh, come on now jase, sed mam, its ya father bday. i know, but i hate fuckers fingering my fucking food. whatever. that put a dampner on the night, maybe i overreacted, fuck nose, but i could see that he still thought he was right… so whatever, couldnt wait to get the fuck out of there,.. friday hired the car, brand new KA, looked gay as fuck, but was nippy as shit.got to p&o’s at 3pm, and surprise, he had a face like a smacked fanny. whats up butt?my fucking projector isnt working.this was the projector he just had flown in from usa for £270. he looked gutted and sed he wasnt coming… i sed we’ll email the fuckers tomoro, but theres no reason not to come to gig, you know, they sed theres a projector there anyway,. so i finally managed to get the miserable fucker in the car, and he opened the glove compartment to put in my paperwork.inly to reveal a big fuck off blade, in a leather sheath, looked like a serious weapon. what the fuck!? we both sed, he thought it was mine, but i had just came straight from the car rental place… he put it in his house and we fucked off to pick up the doctor.computer nick warned me not to have too much dodgy stuff in the car, so we emptied the drs pockets as much as we could so he wouldnt get to upset and we drove straight to the gig in west wales… we arrived and the place looked huge. they told us that the event had sold out,we got excited and thought theres gotta be room for 2 thousand people in there, all good… we went for fish n chips and a pint, then all headed back to the site half hour before we were on, only to discover that there was more like 2 hundred people. mainly young teenagers… oh, well, we got on the stage- done our business, the crowd seemed to go mental for it, the dr. flashed his cock which nearly induced me to kill the fucker… NO, MORE, COCK, YOU, FUckING, FREAK. headed back and had some tea with matt, and called it a day… saturday, and we had sum great feedback from the gig last night. click here to see some snaps of the gig! met in the yard with the dr, and gave him a bollocking for his actions, and told him to sort it out, or it will mean the END. he took it well. then bumped into all the old underwood boys, all in welsh rugby tops, all FAT AS FUCK.. I mEAN huge. coomy, mustve been 20 stone, and minchy not far behind him… fucking hugged em all had a coupla pints, and they disappeared, really lifted me up and made my day,. ninj turned up and was making complete fucking sense as usual. i love this guy, he seems to talk more sense than everyone else i speak to, yet everyfucker says he;s mad. FAR FROM IT IN MY OPINION. then sian turned up, with her crap expression, that was saying, i like you, and i am doing all i can in the background for you but really im just trying to be involved with what i can without actually doing anything. then she said about ninj as he was speaking “hes on his own innhe?” me and doghouse headed back to the flat to do some recording. we tried setting stuff up in tommys room, and gave recording a blast, but it just wasnt happnin. doghouse then ranted for 22 minutes down the megaphone at very piercing and excruciating volumes, which completely finished me and tommy off, and after this i thought i couldnt go on, so i went and done summink else, feeling sick. i know, that when we do record properly, we need to get doghouse’s vocals up crisp and load in his headphones, and he will be amazing, but as soon as he cant hear himself – well, its fucking straining and squawking so horrific and high pitched- that i really do feel like sticking the my head through my laptop.we recorded ‘how do i find you’ in the winter in my room at very low volumes (cos the ox downstairs wanted to kill me).. and its one of the best results we’ve had. when we get it right, i think doghouse pisses all over mark e smith, james ‘pudding head’ murphy and lots of others… anyways, what happened then… um laptop started crashing, went to see jimmy cliff- complete inspiration, that guys gott be coming up for 70, and he was jumping round the stage, and just looked so happy to be alive… i felt elated, and so did the other 10,000 people that was watching him with me!! stunning…i bumped into Kaz, who has changed a lot since her year travelling and her kid(!) i used to really fancy her, and still find her very attractive, with that mad smile and mischievous glint in her eye, somewhat surpressed by her crusty boyf dragging her off though. i chipped off and left doghouse to explore netty’s shop on his own, and i went home… sunday, doghouse showed in the morn. i dragged tommy out, and we headed for the mountains – wow, this is turning into a fucking novel.. SERMON ON THE MOUnT. anyways, we got to the foot of the Brecon Beacons. And Tommy seemed up for it. so we flew Penyfan like two rather fat white bullets. we must of hit the peak inside an hour. probly the fastest time ive done it in. and there it is. complete equilibrium. no matter whats been fucking your head, no matter how you felt at the bottom. you now feel like everything is sorted. with the wind blowing all the cobwebs from your brain, the view just sprawled out for miles in all directions putting everything into perspective, the sun beating on your face and the crows riding the air around you. theres not many places as refreshing as this, with the ability to make you feel like you reborn. truely fucking magical. we shuffled down the mountain, and drove back to cardiff, listening to the sounds of the spiral brothers. we went for a guiness and a roast in the bev and chipped back to the pad. bit of a doze, and went to meet paul luare christoff and the posse, who were all still obviously recovering from christoff bday party on fri, and looking far too seroious. we went up to see magic numbers, which i really enjoyed. went to pulse which i hated with a passion, and then dragged to buffalo where i felt suicidal. shall i rant about this shit? maybe you should just go there and make up your own mind? FUCKING BIGGEST SACK OF SHIT IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND I WILL NEVER EVER GO BACK.unless i put my own PA in the place and give them sicknote in their fat crap posh faces. saw, angarhad, shes got the best smile, totally lush,, she helped me cope. then staedler and waldorf swanning about chatting about how theyve signed to a huge european dance label, Fairplay and goodluck to them…then i seen Gwyn, who seemed to be in a RAGE, as his misses flirted with people around the club, Gwyn dragged me outside and exploded in a pissed EPI of the most purple and veiny proportions…i could empathise, as i remember being exactly the same when nikki was a complete fucking SLUT in front of me. I felt sorry for him, and thought he’s gonna have her in his head for a very long time, and im glad im not him!!! it took me about 45 minutes to buy a round, then couldnt get out to the garden to give the round to paul and all, as it was 1 in 1 out. FUCK IN HELL… the Rock n roll was piercing my brain on the crappest soundsystem in cardiff that just eliminated any possibility of any conversation, or enjoyment for that matter. fcuk in hell, i should go on that program – grumpy old men, im starting to sound like the miserable bastards!! any ways, we finally escaped, and headed to dorothys for a sausagein batter, then home to bed!!! YAY!!!! what a shit night! bit of a lie in. off to swansea, met ste and checkd out his club sincity.. fucking wicked club. top bloke… learned a lot, and got sum posters round swansea. sorted. back and chilled. trying to get this piece of shit laptop to stay on… and it seems ok now, but it took fucking 4 hourws to switch it on. felt like launching it, wont be reliable enough to play the next coupla gigs.need to sort summink out…. had sum great ideas about september gigs. bla bla bla bla, this is like old testament, i think i;ll give it a rest now… speak soon! laters….jfxxx

Coupla days feeling a bif ruff and fat and fucking useless really. Been offered Q Bar Cheltenham now, which means theoretically, we could run two tantrum allnighters and earn a decent wage, might also be some possible Thursday night stuff, which could be very exciting. just registered to 43things, an online ToDo list, have a look here: 43 THINGS We were dropped from the Alabama 3 dates in Cardiff and Swansea, and no-one would claim responsibility, fucking useless. We took the gigs off our Myspace and had mail from fans asking where they had disappeared to. i asked Sian what happened and she said we should never have put them on our Myspace in the first place. SHE TOLD ME TO PUT THEM UP THERE TWO FUCKNG WEEKS AGO. freak\,anyways, she hung up on me twice like a child. then i spoke to Alan Jones, who was really sound, he said he’ll find out for us. I think it would be a better idea to set up an after party in the bay, and fuck em. useless. Got my amp back off kath at fucking last, fucking useless. Zonked out for a few hours and just got up feeling all bloated and grouchy, i need a holiday and some sea and some walking and shit…. very soon i think, maybe after october allnighter i could escape for a coupla weeks and go on a solo mission… maja says she;s been trying to get me online, but everytime i see her online, she then suddenly goes off line. RAAAAAAAARGH want to go away. gonna have a bath and listen to some music now, need to unwind. everyone’s getting on my tits. x

so friday came and i hired a car. haven’t driven for a long time so i took is for a spin on my own, and visited my ma. she was happy to see me, chilled there with her for an hour and got back to cardiff… pumping sicknote on my journey home, and fuck it sounded good. i parked up at paul’s and had a guiness with him and laure, they seemed really happy, she looked amazing with her shades on and her big wet smile glistening in the sun. coupla guinesses and one of pauls pork pies later he dropped me back at mine in time for the Sicknote meeting(!) our first ever meeting… we met at mine, Sian invited herself along and turned up with a jumbo sausage in batter pissed out of her mind. The good doctor threw a fat line of ket up each nostril and double dropped before rolling a big spliff and announcing that he was ‘ready’ we headed to a local pub and talked about stuff, money we owe, plans to move forward, everyone was present except knuckles. p&o aired the footage of sicknote on the news and the george galloway interview on his laptop. we moved to another pub, and i was starting to get a bit irritated. sian was blabbing on about a photo shoot in buffalo fucking bar for us with dry ice likie some fucking dodgy wham bad boys thing! and saying that me and jonny should have a stand for our laptops with bulbs in it that dance along to the music. i can really see us dragging a load of fucking bulbs around the country with us. What The FUCK? clueless. the discussions turned to my image. which i admit isnt that exciting. but who really gives a fuck. i was told i need a image consultant. and i said that people have told me that because i look quite normal on stage that it looks good and kind of contrasts things and it works. Everybody just laughed in my face. i felt a bit fucked off. and said that i don’t need to flop my cock out or wear a silly hat just to get noticed, and i’m fine in the background as i am. i felt sick of everyone and how stupid they all sounded, the only person talking any sense was The Filth, and he was being completely ignored. I made my exccuses and pegged it. Back at mine, i felt completely tripped out in a bad way, FUCK KNOWS why. a combination of working like a dog for fuck all, stress from the debts,driving, guiness, lager, rollies and 3 hours of sicknote talking absolute shit in my lughole. I just wanted to go away on my own for a week or 5. I felt for a while that there was no way i could do this weekend, and i seriously felt like calling it all off. Luckily, i fell asleep. I woke up at 4am sharp and met tommy tank in the kitchen for a cuppa tea.I stayed up til about 9 then nodded off for a coupla more hours. we fucked off to blaen garw in the evening. the place was full of 15 year old girls showing their bits off and necking pints of cider. the men looked like oversized biceps in pastel shirts with highlighted beckham hairdos and gay as fuck slip ons. they didnt know what to make of us,. although another party of people arrived from the midlands to come and see us the venue was still pretty empty. the first set we played we were looked upon like a bunch of freaks, and i thought for a mo, the doctor, with his saggy tits hanging out and kilt swatying round his knees, might attract a beating from these valley boys. we took a break with tommy tank filling in and finding it completely impossible to make any connection with the crowd. poor fucker. a Fight broke out which Knuckles nearly got caught up in but it dirpersed quickly when all the orange biceps pulled each other apart from each other. this was a tuffie, but i was determined to get the fuckers dancing. Doghouse started the second half with his fortune telling sequence that went down like a pork pie at a jewish wedding, and we kicked in with Gimme Dat Harp, which it suddenly dawned on me that this song was written for exactly this town! People staring to move towards the dancefloor, and i kept getting it harder and harder until we had the fuckers bouncing soon enuff. RESULT!!! P&O was completely off his tits, eyes bulging out of his head and a seriously depressing gurn that made him look completely gutted. He cam up to me and started throthing in my ear as usual. Not a word. WHAT? i kept repeating but he just kept throthing, and i eventually made out he was asking for money off me. he then reached out and prodded his greasy finger into my left bollock, with out thinking at all i had lauched him right across the dancfloor and very nearly decked him. i thought for a minute he was gonna whack his head and pass out, but he managed to keep his balance. the first sickntoe gig without drink was a strange experience. we got plenty of pats on the back, and off we went back to Cardiff, to get our heads down to prepare for the nightmarish journey ahead of us in the morning. 8am up and out!!!! gathered the very ugly looking troops, and off we went to The Seceret Garden Party in Huntingdon. 4 hours later we arrived and met up with our new friends Elephant Foot. What a buch of amazing people, friendly as fuck, mad as fuck and completely up for it. we arranged to meet back at the looniverse at 2.30 and headed off for a wander round the festy. after a stroll around i had come to the conclusion that this was possibly the lamest festival crowd i had ever seen (or was it coz i was sober and everyone was fucked from the weekend?) There was no vibe at all., There were lots of posh people dressed up WHACKY! and lots of shit music dribbling out of tents with the force of a wet fart. we parked up on a bank and bumped into Cosmo, who had recently been dumped by misses half way through their Festival season, after she ran off with another bloke. RUDENESS! Matt the Hatt strolled by, dressed as, well, im not sure, like an arabian king or that shamen bloke off mighty boosh? with big paisley robe, pyjamas and a like a huge silk turban. i dont understand. he strolled past another guy who looked just as ridiculous and they high-fived each other and carried on walking. i almost tossed my self in the nearby pond. then, on a small stage down the bank from us, appeared a pirate. he said, “i’m a cockney geezer an we all gonna av a cockney singalong! gather round, gather round!” sure enough he burst into song and i nearly burst with anger, this festival seemed like a load of posh people venturing out of their posh villages and gathering in a field and dressing up like a bunch of wacky twats, it had fuck all to do with music. with a sequinned mullet burping out an emotional drone from the mainstage, and the staedler & waldorf hit ‘china in your hands’ squawking out of another, and the cockney twat having a ri’ ole knees up on his own i began to think that somewhere there must be a stinking gabba tent full of ket-heads. no. so we got on stage and started to build up the crowd, they looked completely bemused as elephant foot entered the tent and started fighting, dancing, and pulling each other- it looked completely fucking demented and i loved it. the doctor was turning a few heads too as he started his ‘hump the leadsinger’ routine to ‘Fuck The Pain Away’ much to doghouse’s disappointment. Headshot got the tent bouncing to fuck, and dr.conker handed out a load of cds, before we finished off with ‘Taxi For Mr Blair’. Chilled with Elephant Foot for a while and then checked out Sian’s suggested booking for the boat party, Anarchist Wood. Pants. Drove home. bed.

so i stuck half my records on ebay and today they went for £266, exactly what i owe for the council tax for their first installment… CUNTS!! x

Really looking forward to the BATTLES gig i’m organising in The Point, Cardiff Bay, August 2oth . Their album is mental and the video for Atlas always gets me going: click here to watch the vid

you wanna know why the fuck she is famous??? its all here!!

hello! here is a fantastic article written by the soon to be legendary Manky Pasty that neatly sums up the madness of Big Toe’s Leaving Party!!! click here

sicknote is in turmoil… might of lost our bassist (oracle) and drummer (grinder), and doghouse’s situation with his family is in a bad shape…. we’re in debt at nearly 4k, and sian thinks she’s the manager – although she doesnt seem to be doing anything for us. im on a come down from a mad one in brecon, and i cant find reality, x

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