A true story involving P&O (Sicknote’s VJ), his teeth and his cat’s arse…

Some people have been asking me recently what happened to P&O’s teeth; he’s been without several of his gnashers for a few months now, which, personally I think, adds to his image of the hard living, rough riding, plains drifting cowboy, but the true story as to how he lost his pearly whites does indeed read stranger than fiction…

Let me take you back a while…

Picture the scene… It’s a Wednesday night and P&O is doing his usual stint at DJing at Annette’s fancy dress shop when a scuffle breaks out behind him. Ever the peacekeeper P&O decides to step in between the warring parties; a valiant attempt to quash the violence, but in return for this act of selfless diplomacy he receives a well-aimed smack in the mouth, which dislodges his plate of false teeth, which subsequently fall to the floor and brake, leaving the teeth dislocated from the pink, gum-like plate; (Why he needed this plate to replace his original teeth in the first place involves another failed attempt at peacekeeping, when a drunken friend of his unwittingly stumbled into a party of off-duty police officers, who were themselves well oiled and lairy, but that’s another story… I digress) NB. Note to P&O… Stop getting involved in other peoples arguments…

Anyway… P&O, after evicting the offending pair of combatants from the premises, picks up all the pieces of his broken plate and puts them in his pocket, with the aim of making repairs the next day.

Next day arrives, and P&O, a little fuzzy-headed from the night before, sits down with his broken dentures and a tube of superglue to fix them. He carefully glues each tooth back into the plate, taking extra care to position them correctly, then puts the whole thing down next to him on the sofa to dry. He then sits back to watch some TV, pleased with his ad hoc attempt at dentistry, when his cat jumps up casually and inadvertently sits down on the still wet dentures. P&O’s obvious initial shocked reaction sends the cat darting off the sofa towards the door. Then, as he stands up, the last thing P&O sees is the cat’s arse, surrounded by his teeth, grinning at him, as it disappears through the cat-flap and onto the street.

This image of a carnivorous cat sphincter is now etched onto his retina as P&O gives chase, not sure if he should laugh or cry. This feeling of uncertainty gathers pace as he tries to keep up with the cat and then finally succumbs to the obvious question facing a man who works in digital media… Should he go back and get his video camera?

Anyway… this moment of indecision allows the cat enough time to make it’s escape and now P&O and his teeth have permanently separated company; although I would like to think that the image of the cat’s twitching toothy anus will stay with him forever, and that this story cements the association of P&O and a cat’s bumhole firmly in the mind of you the reader… Woof Woof !!!

Doghouse X





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